please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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