Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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