Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
