what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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