shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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