So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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