If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
