HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
