Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
