I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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