shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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