i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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