He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
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i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
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You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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