he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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