It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
