Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
