puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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