so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
