If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
