That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
