I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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