i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i think im in europe. pls send help
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