is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
