every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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