Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
