a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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