Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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