White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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