Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
