pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
