i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
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Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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