you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
