I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
