Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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