Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
