The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
