He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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