If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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