I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
