You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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