She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
