i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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