we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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