you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
