i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
