Screwed.edu
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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