It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
