oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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