He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
