I hope mine doesn't look like that
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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