A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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