hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
