I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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