Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
