my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
