i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
