We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We need to feng shui this bitch.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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