so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
