oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
