All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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