did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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