last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
