just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
