I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Panties = found
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
