Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
