she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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