The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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