they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
