I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
