we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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