WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
there was a trapeze. enough said
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
