actually, I'm a sock model
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
well you can't waste a boner
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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