i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
