My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
