Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm too high and old for this...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
