Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
