i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
