please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
